1. Command

$ npx news trump-oval-office-sleep-mode --loglevel=DEBUG --no-cache

2. Output

INFO: Initializing NPXNews v1.2.7-dev...

INFO: Fetching data from Wall_Street_Journal_2025-01-01_Report.md...

WARN: System detected an anomaly: Presidential uptime metrics diverging from expected baseline.

INFO: According to recent reports, the U.S. President Donald J. Trump (79) is reportedly experiencing unexpected "low-power" states during public engagements. The White House staff is allegedly implementing power management protocols.

DEBUG: "Visibly slowed" since 2020. Is time a factor? Our bronzer-parser module returned false. It seems time might actually pass for him, despite cosmetic efforts.

ERROR: User input Trump.deny("dozing") returned "I'll just close [my eyes]. It's very relaxing to me."

DEBUG: This statement evaluates to false in real-world application. Suspected physiological gaslighting detected. The cameras are apparently just catching him in a very long, very deliberate "blink."

WARN: Aides are actively debugging President_Alertness.js, reportedly counseling President to "try to keep his eyes open" during televised events. This indicates a critical state beyond simple optimization. Imagine having to brief the leader of the free world on the primary requirement of consciousness.

INFO: White House Chief of Staff Susie Wiles has initiated event.shorten() calls on cabinet presentations. The objective is to reduce periods requiring sustained presidential attention, a workaround for the core issue. They are essentially cutting the movie short because the toddler gets cranky if he sits still too long.

DEBUG: Imagine deploying a patch to shorten all meetings because the primary user keeps hitting sleep(). Prioritization shifted from policy execution to managing toddler-like attention spans. Critical operational risk identified.

SYSTEM_ALERT: Potential unhandled exception: Commander-in-Chief operating on low-battery mode while overseeing nuclear launch protocols. Recommend immediate system reboot or a very strong cup of coffee.

3. Stacktrace (If This News Were Code)

An unhandled exception in Executive_Function_Process.js led to a series of THREAD_SLEEP calls, causing the entire OvalOffice_System to enter an unexpected LOW_POWER_STATE. It seems the AlertnessMonitor module failed to properly detect and flag critical drowsiness, instead misinterpreting it as USER_INITIATED_RELAXATION.

Error: Process 'President.exe' encountered an unexpected SLEEP_STATE. at executiveBranch/core/AlertnessMonitor.js:142:19 (isAwake) at executiveBranch/policies/EventScheduler.js:87:32 (managePresidentialAttention) at executiveBranch/cabinet/PresentationHandler.js:23:7 (renderPresentation) at whiteHouse/main.js:10:5 (startDailyOperations)Segmentation fault (core dumped) - Due to insufficient cognitive resource allocation.

The root cause appears to be a hard-coded assumption of perpetual vigor, failing to account for biological depreciation over time. This design flaw is now causing significant operational inefficiencies and public perception errors.

4. Patch Notes

• - Fixed: Public events now have reduced duration, attempting to mitigate President.exe entering SLEEP_STATE.
• - Workaround: Staff implementing attention_span_extension_protocol.sh which involves gentle nudges and whispered reminders.
• - Deprecated: The "very relaxing blinking" feature has been internally deprecated due to high rate of public misinterpretation as "dozing."
• - New Feature: Introduction of "Chief of Staff" module SusieWiles.js, now managing event.shorten() and presentation.optimize() calls.
• - CRITICAL_BUG: Core dependency on human_alertness_module remains unstable. Future iterations might require AI-driven wakefulness protocols.
• - INFO: Nuclear codes still under human (mostly awake) control. For now.