1. Command

$ npx news greenland-invasion-impact --force --verbose

2. Output

Loading news module 'greenland-geopolitics'...

WARN: High-risk operation detected. Proceeding with extreme caution.

 _______ ________ _______ ________ _________ _______  _        _______(  ____ \       )(  ____ \       )\%s__   __/(  ____ \( \      (  ____ )| (    \/| () () || (    \/| () () |   ) (   | (    \/| (      | (    )| | (__    | || || || (__    | || || |   | |   | (__    | |      | (____)| |  __)   | |(_)| ||  __)   | |(_)| |   | |   |  __)   | |      |     __)| (      | |   | || (      | |   |   | |   | (      | |      | (\ ( | (____/\| )   ( || (____/\| )   ( |___) (___| (____/\| (____/\| ) \ \__(_______/|/     \|(_______/|/     \|\_______/(_______/(_______/|/   \__/

INFO: Analyzing hypothetical scenario: U.S. invasion of Greenland (Danish territory).

WARN: This action is described as the "geopolitical equivalent of pulling the pin on a grenade in a crowded elevator." Significant collateral damage expected.

ERROR: NATO integrity check FAILED. Article 5 violation detected. U.S. attacking Denmark triggers NATO against itself.

“The alliance that kept the peace in Europe for 75 years evaporates, leaving the continent to rearm and realign against the new aggressor across the Atlantic.”

DEBUG: It's like trying to git merge --force into main without CI/CD and expecting nothing to break.

INFO: Military deployment impact: European nations expected to demand immediate closure of all U.S. military bases (e.g., Ramstein, Aviano, Lakenheath).

DIFF - Military Projection:

- U.S. Global Power Projection+ U.S. Fortress Nation Status

ERROR: Economic stability CRITICAL FAILURE. The EU is set to weaponize the largest single market globally.

WARN: A potential debt.call() from the EU could lead to a dollar_reserves.dump() event. The USD value is predicted to enter a DEATH_SPIRAL.

DEBUG: Your savings.value will be null before the invasion_order.commit() is processed.

INFO: Corporate America faces a SIGKILL event. U.S. companies like Apple, Google, McDonald's, and Tesla are expected to be expelled, have assets seized, or operations banned from the European market.

ERROR: The stock market will experience a severe crash() followed by a close() command. Trillions in market capitalization will be incinerated() within minutes.

INFO: Aviation services will undergo a SHUTDOWN. European authorities are likely to ground all Boeing jets and ban U.S. airlines from their airspace. Transatlantic travel will be blocked indefinitely.

DEBUG: Hope you brought snacks, because you're stuck(current_location). All supply chain dependency_resolution has failed.

WARN: Cultural isolation is imminent. The IOC and FIFA are expected to bar the U.S. from competitions, meaning no World Cup matches and no Team USA in the Olympics.

INFO: Individual Americans will face personal consequences. Visa-free travel to Europe will be REVOKED immediately, and Americans currently living or working in Europe may face deportation or internment.

ERROR: TrustManager.verify(US_AFFECTED_COUNTRIES_RELATIONS) is PERMANENTLY FAILED. Europe is expected to build new defense and financial architectures that explicitly exclude the U.S.

DEBUG: This isn't just a bugfix; this is a complete architecture_rebuild without the original vendor. The psychological break will be permanent.

ALERT: Global TRUST_LEVEL set to CRITICAL_LOW. Future `API_CALLS` to U.S. initiatives are likely to be REJECTED.

3. Stacktrace (If This News Were Code)

java.lang.GeopoliticalFatalError: Unhandled exception in main() thread: Attempted illegal write to foreign_territory.ownership_flags    at geopolitical.core.TerritoryManager.acquire(Greenland.java:75)    at us.foreignpolicy.Executor.executeInvasion(Executor.java:128)    at president.CommanderInChief.makeDecision(CommanderInChief.java:301)    at main.App.run(App.java:17)Caused by: alliance.NATOException: Article5ViolationException: Self-inflicted attack on ally Denmark detected. Alliance dissolved.    at alliance.NATO.invokeArticle5(NATO.java:42)    at geopolitical.core.TerritoryManager.acquire(Greenland.java:80)... 2 more

This exception cascade effectively corrupted the entire global state. The acquire() method on a foreign territory, when invoked against an ally, triggered an immediate Article5ViolationException within the NATO module.

This isn't just a bug—it's a design flaw at the architectural level of international relations, leading to a complete system meltdown. Expect `Segmentation fault` on all global `trust_metrics` and `Unexpected behavior` across all diplomatic `APIs`.

4. Patch Notes

• Critical Bug: US_foreign_policy.acquire_territory('Greenland') now triggers global GEOPOLITICAL_APOCALYPSE.
• Fixed: NATO will no longer function if a member attacks another member. (Who knew?)
• Removed: All U.S. military bases in Europe. Functionality moved to status: DEPRECATED.
• Reverted: USD global reserve currency status. Rollback initiated, but data loss is severe.
• Blocked: Access for U.S. corporations to the EU market. IP_blacklist deployed.
• Disabled: Transatlantic air travel for U.S. carriers. All flight_routes marked UNREACHABLE.
• Excluded: U.S. from global sporting events (Olympics, World Cup). New isolation_flag set.
• Added: DEPORTATION_RISK status for all Americans in Europe.
• DEBUG: Human_trust_level is at an all-time low. Re-establishing connection requires a full system reset, which is currently UNAVAILABLE.
• WARN: Trading global reputation, economy, and security for "frozen island and handful of minerals" still considered a poor resource allocation strategy.